Here is something that sounds totally backwards. Most people think they are bad at saying no. But the truth is they are way worse at it than they even realize.

The counterintuitive lesson: the right way to learn how to say no is to first master saying yes. Not a half-hearted yes — a full energy, fully committed yes, especially when it is hardest.

There are actually two completely different types of no:

• Simple no — comes from scarcity. Nothing is working, everything feels stuck, and you are overwhelmed. You say no not because you are focused, but because you are desperate.
• Elite no — comes from abundance. You are so locked in and on fire that distractions barely register. This one has to be earned.

Think of it this way: an elite no is actually a double yes. You are saying no to the distraction because you are saying yes a hundred times to the thing you are actually building.

That is a brilliant place to be — but you have to earn the right to get there first.